Wednesday 3rd February 2016

Google+Life Quotes by Great-Quotes.com “You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’” George Bernard Shaw

1967, producer Joe Meek shot his landlady Violet Shenton and then shot himself at his flat in London, Meek produced The Tornadoes ‘Telstar’ the first No.1 in the US by a British group.

The weather was gorgeous yesterday morning but the Internet let me down. I began writing with clarity and purpose but when I hit the save button all my work disappeared into cyberspace. Oh Bother! (or words to this effect!)

I had been writing about the Zika virus and simultaneously listening to the news broadcast giving us the information that the authorities will be intensifying the fight against the horrible mosquitoes. The tourists will be told incessantly that they should still continue to book their tickets. We do know that this dreadful virus attacks the unborn child in the womb of its pregnant mother. We are reassured that the virus cannot be passed from human to human. I think we've heard this before!

The indigenous population will be very impressed to see the intensity of the spraying in the vicinity of the Olympic venues. It's pretty obvious this will be mainly window dressing. Maybe the mosquitoes are being trained to spot the differences between tourists and indigenous, poor people living in Brazil?

The American elections are underway and from now until November we will be finding out who has spent the most money to become the final nominations for the Presidency. It is rather flimsy democracy and some might even feel that the most powerful leader on the planet doesn't really come from a truly democratic process. It would already appear that one of the leading opponents of the existing status quo has been trumped in the first major caucus in IOWA. However, he is hinting that he will purchase a farm there.

David Cameron continues to spin until he will probably fall in a heap on the floor of the European Parliament. I guess he can fool many of his own party quite easily. The Labour opposition is already becoming worthy of international disrespect  and Spain continues without a Government. Oh Dear!

Will the migrants still be given benefits as they enter the UK? I suppose eventually there will be a UK currency akin to Monopoly money although I do readily admit I would hate to do the work of the various Chancellors of the Exchequer.

On a final note.......there is a new form of doping in cycling. This involves the implanting of a tiny engine somewhere in the frame of the bike. Where will it all end? Am I the only person on the planet who still enjoys the egg and spoon race, the three-legged race or the sack race? Maybe one day these will be the true Olympic Games? Let the cheats have an Open Olympics where anything goes and we could enjoy the Alternative Olympics culminating in the European Open Dads' Race!

Here’s a stack of Tommy Cooper jokes…We’ve seen them before but they might cheer up an odd person!

Phone answering machine message – ‘…If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key…’

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Cling film for shorts. The shrink says, ‘Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.’

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high.’

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.’

‘Doc I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass  of Home’
‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.  ’
‘Is it common?’
‘It’s not unusual.’

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. ‘My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for  him?’
‘Well,’ said the vet, ‘let’s have a look  at him’
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What?  Because he’s cross-eyed?’
‘No, because he’s  really heavy’

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says  to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’
I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it..’

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.  It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.  But I think its Colin.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.’

A man walked into the doctors, he said, ‘I’ve hurt  my arm in several places’
The doctor said, Well don’t go there anymore!

World Events 3rd February

 1488 – The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern extremity of Africa. Those were the dias my friend

1690 – The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in the war against Quebec. Money is at the root of all evil

1783 – Spain recognized the independence of the United States. Hola

1815 – The world’s first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland.Wasn’t that the Edam Project?

1869 – Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first production was “Romeo and Juliet”. Edwin, Edwin, Wherefore art thou?

1916 – In Ottawa, Canada’s original parliament buildings burned down.

1917 – The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. Well they were likely to sink US shipping

1941 – In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to office. Don’t mention the war

1945 – Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan. They had old scores to settle

1966 – The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. Well done…..but sometimes I ask myself why!

1969 – At the Palestinian National Congress in Cairo, Yasser Arafat was appointed leader of the PLO. Very distinctive headgear made him famous worldwide

1972 – The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan.

1984 – Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission.

1989 – South African politician P.W. Botha unwillingly resigned both party leadership and the presidency after suffering a stroke. Your health should always come first

1998 – Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker. She was the first woman executed in the U.S. since 1984. Oh Dear!

1998 – In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of 20 skiers on a lift.Dreadful

2010 – The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L’Homme qui marche sold for $103.7 million.How do we arrive at these figures for works of art? If it’s in the public domain then it’s a lot of money to tie up from the public purse.

Music Events 3rd February

1959, 22 year old Buddy Holly, The Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens, aged 17, died in a crash shortly after take-off from Clear Lake, Iowa, the pilot of the single-engined Beechcraft Bonanza plane was also killed. Holly hired the plane after heating problems developed on his tourbus. A sad day in pop history

1960, Anthony Newley was at No.1 on the UK singles chart with ‘Why’, the singers first of two UK No.1 hits. He was also Idle on Parade

1967, producer Joe Meek shot his landlady Violet Shenton and then shot himself at his flat in London, Meek produced The Tornadoes ‘Telstar’ the first No.1 in the US by a British group. This was both weird and tragic

1968, One hit wonders The Lemon Pipers went to No.1 on the US singles chart with ‘Green Tambourine’ the song was a No.7 hit in the UK. Bit of Flower Power
1968, The Beatles started work on their new single ‘Lady Madonna’ at Abbey Road studios in London. Great song

1973, Elton John started a three-week run at No.1 on the US singles chart with ‘Crocodile Rock’. Elton’s first of five US No.1 singles. Good song
1979, Blondie had their first of five UK No.1 singles, with ‘Heart Of Glass’, taken from the band’s third studio album, Parallel Lines. Good song

1990, for the first time ever, the UK Top 3 singles featured non-British and non-American acts. Ireland’s Sinead O’Connor, Australia’s Kylie Minogue and Belgium’s Technotronic. Sinead O’Connor had her first No.1 single with Nothing Compares To U’, a song written by Prince. Fair enough

1999, Tony Hadley singer with Spandau Ballet told a High Court in London of his “desperate” financial situation after his solo career failed. Hadley and band members Steve Norman and drummer John Keeble, were suing Spandau Ballet songwriter Gary Kemp for hundreds of thousands of pounds of allegedly unpaid publishing royalties. Hadley earned £120,000 a year during the band’s heyday in the early 1980s, but the court heard that when he fell on hard times he was forced him to sell his home to pay off a £50,000 overdraft in 1993. How on earth could he have squandered such money?

2003, the exclusive documentary ‘Living With Michael Jackson’ was shown on UK television. Reporter Martin Bashir had spent eight months with the star, the show’s editor said, ‘viewers will not believe what they’re seeing.’

2010, AC/DC singer Brian Johnson, joined a growing group of critics of Bob Geldof and U2 singer Bono over their very public charity work, saying they should stop lecturing audiences about charity work and instead do their good deeds in private. Johnson said “When I was a working man I didn’t want to go to a concert for some bastard to talk down to me that I should be thinking of some kid in Africa. I’m sorry mate, do it yourself, spend some of your own money and get it done. It just makes me angry.”  I can understand both points of view

Born on this day

1928,  Frankie Vaughan, UK singer. UK No.2 ‘Green Door’. Made an OBE in 1965. Died 17th Sept 1999 aged 71.
1928,  Val Doonican, Irish singer, (1964 UK No. 4 single ‘Walk Tall’, and 1967 UK No.1 album ‘Val Doonican Rocks, But Gently’.
1935,  Johnny ‘guitar’ Watson, guitarist, singer, (1976 UK No.35 single ‘I Need It’). Watson died on 17th May 1996.
1943, Eric Haydock, bass, The Hollies, over 25 Top 40 singles since 1963, (1972 US No.2 single ‘Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress’, 1988 UK No.1 single ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’, first released in 1969.
1946,  Stan Webb, guitar, vocals, Chicken Shack, (1969 UK No.14 single ‘I’d Rather Go Blind’).
1947, Dave Davies, guitarist, The Kinks, (1964 UK No.1 & US No.7 ‘You Really Got Me’, 1967 UK No.2 single ‘Waterloo Sunset’ plus 19 other UK Top 40 singles).
1947,  Melanie Safka, US singer, songwriter, (1971 US No.1 & 1972 UK No.4 single ‘Brand New Key’).